By Asma bint Shameem
“I'm NEVER talking to you again!” Fatima screamed at her brother, as the argument escalated.
“Fine!” retorted Ahmed. “Consider it done!”
That was 10 years ago.
Fatima and her brother are still not on talking terms.
In fact they haven’t even SEEN each other in the last ten years.
Sound familiar?
Sadly, that’s all too common in all our families and communities.
Someone or the other is fighting so and so.
Fathers cut off their sons.
Uncles and aunts are ‘sworn enemies’ to their nieces and nephews.
Even mothers and daughters don’t speak to each other for years.
What a *horrible* situation where loved ones and families are split apart and close family members have shunned their own flesh and blood.
And it’s not just about fights and arguments.
Some people simply don’t keep up with their families and blood relatives for no reason at all.
They don’t call or visit each other for months on end.
Some don’t even KNOW who their relatives and cousins are.
They don’t care about them nor do they want to even bother to find out about them.
If they only knew the importance of upholding ties of kinship....
Upholding ties of kinship is a very VITAL part of being a Muslim.
In fact it’s the very CORE.
It’s part of our faith and an act of ibaadah that’s LOVED by Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala.
It is something our Rabb recompenses with *unimaginable* rewards.
Let’s see how important it is to keep up ties of kinship.
1. It’s an ORDER from Allaah!
Upholding the ties of kinship is an obligation and a duty because Allaah says:
“… and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of ) the wombs (kinship)…”
(Surah al-Nisa’ :1)
2. It’s part of being a Mu’min.
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day should maintain good relation with his kindred.” (al-Bukhaari)
3. Upholding family ties is a means to enter Jannah
A man said:
“O Messenger of Allaah, tell me about a deed that gets me in Paradise.
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“Worship Allaah alone with no partner, observe prayer, give Zakat, and *UNITE the ties of KINSHIP*.”
(al-Bukhaari, Muslim)
4. Allaah’s HELP is with the one who upholds ties of kinship
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“Allaah created the universe, and when He had finished, kinship (al-rahm) stood up and said:
“This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off.”
Allaah said, “Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?”
It said, “Of course.”
Allaah said, “Then your prayer in granted.”
(Saheeh Muslim)
5. Your PROVISION and your LIFESPAN are INCREASED if you uphold ties of kinship.
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.”
(al-Bukhaari, Muslim)
6. Your Duas are more likely to be fulfilled.
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“A person’s dua will still be answered as long as his dua does not involve sin or breaking ties of kinship and so long as he does not become impatient” (Muslim)
7. Upholding ties of kinship is one of the most NOBLE of deeds.
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind” (Muslim)
8. It was one of the reasons why Allaah sent the Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam
Someone asked the Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam:
“With what has Allaah sent you?”
He replied:
“He has sent me to uphold ties of kinship, to break idols, and to proclaim the Oneness of Allaah with nothing associated with Him”
(Muslim)
9. Upholding ties of kinship earns you double rewards
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“Charity given to a poor person is charity, while charity given to a relative is both charity and dutifulness to kinship” (Ahmad- authenticated by al-Albaani)
10. It’s a characteristic of Prophets and Messengers
When the Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam was very distraught after meeting Jibreel for the first time,
Khadijah radhi Allaahu anhaa consoled him and said:
“Nay … Allaah will never disgrace you. You *uphold the ties of kinship*…”
(al-Bukhaari, Muslim)
Shsikh Ibn Baaz said:
‘It is obligatory upon you to have good relations with family and relatives according to your strength, by visiting if it is convenient, by writing to them, by speaking to them by telephone. It is also legislated to have good relations with them with giving wealth if a near relative is poor.’
[Majmoo al Fatawa 9/415]
•••
On the flip side, BREAKING ties of kinship is a MAJOR SIN and a very serious issue.
Let’s look at some of the WARNINGS and PUNISHMENTS regarding those who break ties of kinship.
1. The one who cuts off from his blood relatives will NOT ENTER Jannah!
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter Paradise.” (Saheeh Muslim)
2. They will be tortured in Hell!
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“The one who severs the ties with the relatives will not be among the first to enter Paradise. Rather, this person will enter it after being tortured in Hellfire (i.e., if one dies as a Muslim).”
(al-Bukhaari)
3. They will receive punishment in this Dunya as well!
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“There is no sin worthier of Allaah hastening punishment for it in this life, in addition to what He has in store for its offender in the Hereafter, than transgression and cutting off relations of kinship” (at-Tirmidhi and others-
authenticated by al-Albaani)
4. The one who CUTS ties of kinship is CURSED by Allaah!
Allaah says:
“And those who break the Covenant of Allaah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allaah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the CURSE; And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (Hell).” (Surah al-Ra’d :25)
What punishment could be worse than the curse of Allaah!
And what an evil home that awaits those who cut the ties of kinship!
May Allaah protect us.
Ali ibn Al-Husain said to his son:
“O my son, do not accompany the person who severs the ties of kinship, because I found him CURSED in the Book of Allaah on three occasions.”
5. His good deeds are not accepted by Allaah!
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“The deeds of the children of Adam are displayed every Thursday at Friday’s night, and no person who severs ties of kinship has his deeds accepted.” (Hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh At-Targhib)
6. Cutting ties of kinship is like cutting the relationship with Allaah!
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“The tie of kinship is suspended to the Throne and says: ‘He who unites me, Allaah would unite him and he who severs me, Allaah would sever him.’” (Muslim)
After reading all these scary ahaadeeth, who In their right mind would cut off ties of kinship?!
OBJECTION
But my relatives are MEAN to me and don’t want to keep in touch with me!
When your family does NOT treat you right, THAT’S when the TRUE reward of upholding ties of kinship comes in!
The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
“The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship.”
(al-Bukhaari)
A man said to the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam:
“I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me. I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me.”
The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said,
“If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths.
Allaah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.” (Saheeh Muslim)
Who could bear to put up with hot ashes?!
May Allaah protect us.
WHO are the people included in upholding ties of kinship?
They are ALL our BLOOD relatives.
Shaikh Ibn Baaz said:
“The kindred (arhaam) are the blood relatives on your mother’s and father’s sides.
The closest of them are fathers, mothers, grandparents, children and their children, no matter how far the line of descent goes.
Then the next closest and the next closest of brothers and their children, paternal uncles and aunts and their children, and maternal uncles and aunts and their children.”
(Fataawa Islamiyyah (4/195)
IMPORTANT QUESTION?
Are the IN-LAWS part of those included in upholding ties of kinship?
NO they’re not, unless the marriage took place between cousins.
That’s because the in-laws are not usually your blood relatives.
However, being kind to the in-laws and treating them well is part of the good character of a Muslim.
And any good deed you’ll do will be rewarded by Allaah. It will NEVER go to waste.
Shaikh Ibn Baaz said:
“With regard to the wife’s relatives, they are not kindred of her husband, because they are not his relatives, but they are kindred of his children from her.”
(Fataawa Islamiyyah (4/195)
HOW to uphold ties of kinship?
Keep in mind, always, that your kith and kin are the most important people who deserve your good treatment, care, and love.
Be committed to that sincerely in order to receive the reward from Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala for keeping the ties of kinship.
- So visit them whenever you can
- Call them regularly if they live far away
- Invite them to your home often
- Be nice to them EVEN if they’re not nice to you
- Make Duaa for them regularly and sincerely
- Bring them gifts from time to time
- Forgive them if they hurt you
- Be there for them in their time of need
- Help them in any way you can physically, psychologically and financially.
- Advise them sincerely
- Enjoin good and forbid evil
- Give them from your charity if they’re in need. They have the first right.
- Forgive their loans if they borrowed from you
- Pay off their debts if it’s possible
-Visit your parents’ friends and loved ones. That also counts as upholding ties of kinship.
- if they’re arguing or fighting amongst themselves, reconcile between them.
May Allaah make us among those who uphold ties of kinship in the TRUE sense of the word.
Ameen.
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