613. What To Do For Rebellious Kids?

By Asma bint Shameem 

Shaykh Ali al Haddady said: 

“Give importance to the significance of Duaa, for surely it has a great effect. 

The parents supplicating to Allaah  and imploring Him to rectify their children is from the means and doors to good.

It has been narrated that Fudayl ibn Iyaad the Imaam of Masjid Haraam in Makkah during his era said:

اللَّهَُّم إِِّني ا ْجتَهَْد ُت أَ ْن أَُؤِّد َب ِاْبنِي َعِلًّيا ، َفَلْم أَْقِدْر َعَلى تَْأِديبِِه ، َفأَِّدْبهُ أَْنت لِي

“O Allaah, surely I tried hard to cultivate my son Ali, but I was not able to cultivate him, so You cultivate him for me.” (Siyar A'lam an-Nubala 8/390)

Thus the condition of his son changed such that he became from the major righteous people of his era. 

He died while praying the Fajr prayer when the Imaam recited the statement of Allaah the Exalted:

ولو ترٰى إِذ وِقفوا على الَّناِر فقالوا يا ليتنا نرُّد 

“If you could but see when they will be held over the (Hell) Fire! They will say: "Would that we were but sent back (to the world)!” (Surah Al-An’aam 6:27)”

So I f course duaa is something we as parents always make for our kids. 

And we do try our best to raise them in an appropriate way. 

But sometimes kids go through difficult times and become stubborn or rebellious. 

And do the exact OPPOSITE of whatever you tell them. 

In such situations, they really try our patience. 

But instead of getting into arguments with them, and making matters worse, consider taking a different approach and make *friends* with them. 

Give them a lot of compliments and positive thoughts. 

Obviously getting angry doesn’t work with kids these days. 

Try just love and softness.

Give them lots of hugs. 

Tell them you love them. 

Do this for a while and just ignore any issues that are bothering you for the time being. 

Then once you build your relationship with them, then talk to them softly and how he/she is your right hand, your confidante, your dream. 

And tell him/her how it hurts you to see them doing such and such. 

Also see who their friends are. 

If they’re the ones influencing them  (almost 99 % sure they are) then consider moving, changing schools, etc

Try talking to the mothers of your children’s friends, too.  

Take your children to the masjid. 

Be friends with good practicing muslim families. And spend time with them. 

Do stuff together. 

Whatever they enjoy.

Even if “you” yourself don’t enjoy it, do it for their sake Maybe cooking, baking, hiking, eating out, zip lining, bowling, shopping.... anything And do it REGULARLY. 

Limit tv, phone and music....The WORST three things for our kids 

And make lots of duaa of course 

There’s no specific duaa that will ‘do it’. 

Here’s one from the Qur’aan:

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun" (Furqaan: 74)

But also try and say the duaa in your own language and in your own words. Say it from your heart.

Talk to Allaah and pour out your troubles to Him. 

May Allaah make it easy for us and our families and solve all our problems Ameen.

And Allaah knows best.