By Asma bint Shameem
We must do our best to call our family members and loved ones to the Deen of Allaah.
Allaah says:
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) …”
[al-Tahreem 66:6].
It is part of our duty as a Muslim to advise each other, enjoin good and forbid evil.
Allaah says:
“The believers, men and women, are Awliya (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they *enjoin* (on the people) Al-Maroof (i.e. Islaamic Monotheism and all that Islaam orders one to do), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief of all kinds, and all that Islaam has forbidden)”
[at-Tawbah 9:71]
And the Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:
"Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart [by at least hating it and believing that it is wrong], and that is the weakest of faith." (Muslim)
The ultimate goal is to bring them to Allaah.
*How* to do that is the challenge.
But the scholars say that we must do that with a mixture of patience, encouragement and warning depending on who the person is, his relationship to you and his level of transgression.
Do your best to remind them of Allaah, His rewards for those who obey Him and His punishment and wrath for those who disobey Him.
Be a good example to them and show them what a true Muslim really is with your good manners and practice of the Deen.
Be on the lookout and if they ever need help in ANY way, be the first one to help them out.
Give them sincere advice if they ask you.
But at the same time, you don’t want to ‘encourage’ their bad behavior by “not saying anything” or “ignoring” it as if it’s nothing wrong.
So admonish them but be very “wise” and “tactful” when forbidding their evil actions and exercise a lot of patience with them.
Try to win over their heart “gradually” and tactfully, giving them time for the sake of calling them to Allaah.
Someone asked Shaikh Ibn Baaz:
“What should a believing woman do when she sees one of her relatives committing evil acts?”
The Shaikh said:
“She should forbid the wrong gently in an amiable way using kind words. Perhaps, the wrongdoer is ignorant, or savage and he may increase his evil when he is harshly forbidden.
Thus, a Muslim should forbid the evil in a good manner and kindly while showing the wrongdoer the clear evidence from the Qur’aan and Sunnah along with supplicating to Allaah for his guidance.
In doing so, the wrongdoer will not turn in aversion.
The Muslim who enjoins right and forbids wrong should have knowledge, insight, gentleness and endurance that force the wrongdoer to accept instruction without aversion or stubbornness.
Let the Muslim who enjoins right and forbids wrong try his best to use kind words whereby the truth is more probable to be accepted.”
[Majmoo ’al-Fataawa Ibn Baaz, Vol.: 4; pg. 233]
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen advised someone similarly and said:
“One who’s involved in the prohibition of evils is like a doctor. Were a doctor to come before a wound and cut it open immediately to remove what’s in it, likely a greater harm would come about. But if he were to cut it bit by bit and had patience with whatever he smelled from it of rotten smells, the goal would be achieved.
So you [and those you were with] didn’t sit with people of evil doings wanting what they’re upon of evil doings; you only sat with them in order to call them to Allaah. And, in my thinking, any person of discerning intelligence, when a person upon goodness sits next to him, he leaves off the sin that he was upon.
In some cases, he [might] refuse to, or be stubborn about it and keep [doing the sin] or increase upon it, as you’ve said.
But be patient. Then if you realize that there’s no hope in him [benefiting from you], then at that point, don’t sit with him [any more], and it becomes required [upon you] to separate from him.”
(Liqāʾ Al-Bāb Al-Maftūḥ, 17)
So you have to use *wisdom* and *knowledge* to find the best and most effective way of bringing them to Islaam.
Try different means of approach to them, depending on each person’s situation.
Maybe have some other family member or cousin or friend or even a shaikh intervene and talk to them.
Usually love and kindness work better than anger.
But sometimes you might have to take a more severe approach if that’s what it would take to “shake them up” by staying away from them if they don’t listen to you.
Maybe your staying away from them will have an effect on them and make them rethink their bad choices and disobediences.
Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said:
“The scholars are unanimously agreed that it is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, unless he fears that speaking to him and upholding ties with him may undermine his religious commitment or lead to some harm affecting his religious or worldly affairs. If that is the case, then he is allowed to avoid him and keep away from him, and perhaps cutting off ties and shunning him in a good manner is better than mixing with him if that will result in harm.
As the poet said:
If mixing with others will only mean baring your teeth at one another, then keeping a distance in a peaceful manner is best for both parties.”
(al-Tamheed 6/127).
However, unfortunately sometimes NOTHING works.
And if they don’t listen then the blame is on them.
Allaah says:
“and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another”
[al-An’aam 6:164]
So when we see people committing major sins, we should do our best to stop that.
But if it’s not possible to do that, the least we can do is to hate it in our hearts.
And we will not be sinful *as long as we tried whatever was within our means to guide them or stop them from their evil.*
There’s really nothing more we can do in these situations because the person himself has chosen this evil path.
Allaah says:
“Whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of] his soul.
And whoever errs only errs against it.
And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another”
[al-Israa’ 17:15]
And He said:
“And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And if a heavily laden soul calls [another] to [carry some of] its load, nothing of it will be carried, even if he should be a close relative”
[Faatir 35:18]
So do your best with wisdom, knowledge and patience.
And make a lot of duaa for them. But if they don’t listen then limit your interaction with them and avoid too much intermingling so that they don’t influence you in a negative way.
Someone asked Shaykh Salih al-Fawzaan about visiting relatives who are not practicing Muslims.
He replied:
“If by your going to them there is a hope that you may influence them or exhort them to give up evil, and you can fulfil your duty to denounce evil, then you have to go to them for two reasons:
1. Upholding ties of kinship
2. Denouncing evil when you are there.
But if you do not denounce evil, or denouncing it will be to no avail, and they are persisting in their evil despite your telling them not to, then you should not go to them, because if you go to them, you will be sitting in a gathering in which evil is being committed but you will not be changing it or you will not be able to change it.
So in that case you have to stay away from them, and hope that Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala
will guide them.”
(Al-Muntaqa min Fataawa al-Shaykh al-Fawzaan, 2/245)
May Allaah guide all of us and our families and protect us all from the Shaytaan Ameen.
If you had contributed in building the house as a loan, then you would have the right to some of the money.
But if you didn’t put it any money towards building the house or you have money as a “gift” to your parents then you have no right to claim the money.
And even if you did contribute to the construction of the house, it would be noble of you and a form of sadaqah and a way of honoring your parents if you let go of the money and surrender your rights to the money especially if you are financially well off and can afford to do so.
You should not cut off ties of kinship especially if it comes to your parents.
And Allaah knows best
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