686. Your Husband Is Your First Priority

By Asma Bint Shameem

Every one of us is supposed to honor and respect and obey our parents. 

That’s one of the very basic teachings of our Deen. 

But once a girl gets married, although her duties remain with her parents but the husband takes PRIORITY. 

So she MUST obey her husband and put his interests *before* her parents. 

Just as obeying the parents is an order of Allaah, similarly it is Allaah’s order to obey the husband. 

And that is MORE important than obeying the parents.

Allaah says:

“Therefore the righteous women are *devoutly obedient* (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” 

[al-Nisa 4:34]. 

Ibn Taimiyyah said:

“When a woman gets married, her husband has more authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more obligatory for her.”

And if there is a conflict between obedience to one’s husband and obedience to one’s parents, then obedience to one’s husband takes *priority*. 

Imaam Ahmad said concerning a woman who has a husband and a sick mother: 

“Obeying her husband is *more obligatory* upon her than (taking care of) her mother, unless he gives her permission.” 

(Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat, 3/47). 

So your primary responsibility is towards your husband and kids. 

However, that doesn’t mean that you *neglect* your mother. 

A wise woman would strike a *balance* where her husband is number ONE in her life but she also uses her *wisdom* in such a way that her parents are also taken care of, respected and not neglected. 

So use your time wisely, and plan everything out. 

Do your best to help out your mother, serve her, and visit her whenever you can, perhaps when the husband and kids are not home. 

It doesn’t have to be completely this way or that way. 

With careful planning, a good combination of fulfilling *both* responsibilities can be worked out In Shaa’ Allaah. 

And Allaah knows best.