281. Be Merciful To Your Children - Do Not Hit Them

I would NOT advise you to hit your children. 

We should be gentle and loving and merciful with our children. 

And teach them with kindness and wisdom. 

And if they are mischievous and don’t listen, there are many other ways that can be 

considered before resorting to hitting. 

For example:

-try and talk to them calmly and explain to them ‘why’ you’re saying what you’re saying. 

If they comply, reward them with something and praise them for listening to you. 

-Also if they’re defying what you’re telling them to do, especially when they’re younger, you can easily ‘divert’ their attention with wisdom and it usually works. 

If they still don’t listen, you can ‘punish’ them 

-by taking away some of their privileges or 

-giving them ‘time out’, or 

-by other means to make them responsible for their actions. 

We should only hit them as a *last resort*, ONLY IF they’re defiant and disobedient. 

And not for any ‘dunya’ reasons but to teach them to obey the laws of Allaah and stay away from His disobedience.

And the ‘hitting’ should be VERY LIGHT, and ONLY IF NEEDED. 

The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:

“Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them (lightly) if they do not pray when they are 10 years old, and separate them in their beds.”

(Abu Dawood -saheeh by 

al-Albaani)

This hitting should be VERY LIGHT and only as a means of correcting the child when the child is stubborn and disobedient and *all efforts of advising by kind words has failed.*

And even if we do end up  ‘smacking’ them, there are certain conditions that we need to consider:

- This ‘hitting’ should NOT be out of ANGER or to take out one’s own frustrations. 

- you should not hit the face or sensitive parts of the body

- it should be done VERY LIGHTLY. 

And not at all hard or hurtful. 

It should only as a symbolic expression of your disapproval. 

- it should not be in front of others so as to embarrass him.  

And there are other conditions. 

Having said that, let me reiterate that I am in NO WAY condoning or encouraging you to hit your children. 

It hurts me just to think about it. 

But I only said what I said, because it’s “permissible” to lightly smack your child if it’s necessary. 

That does NOT mean that it’s desirable or encouraged. 

It’s permissible when it’s needed. 

Shaikh Ibn Uthaymeen said:

“The Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam commanded us to tell our children to pray when they are seven years old, and to smack them (lightly) if they do not pray when they are ten years old, even though they are not obliged to do that yet, so that they may be trained in doing acts of worship and obedience and may get used to them, so that it will be easy for them to do that after they grow up and it will be dear to them. 

The same applies to all matters that are blameworthy; young children should not get used to them even though they are not yet under any obligation, because otherwise they will get used to them when they grow up and will enjoy indulging in them.” 

(Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb, 11/386)

And he said:

“The command implies that it is obligatory, but it is limited only to cases where smacking will be beneficial, because sometimes you smack a child but he does not benefit from being smacked, it only makes him scream and cry more and does not serve any benefit. 

Moreover what is meant by smacking here is smacking that is not painful, a light smack that serves the purpose and does not cause any harm.”

(Liqa’ al-Baab il-Maftooh, 95/18)